Boundaries

"You really need to set boundaries."

I don't think I can count how many times people have told me this in reference to my social life, my work life, my family life. Learning to say "no" was one of those big life lessons that I somehow managed to skip for a long time.

I saw my first episode of Arrested Development tonight. I know a lot of people who love this show. I saw one episode a few years ago, didn't understand it at all and gave up. I watched four consecutive shows while working out today and I called a friend after, who also has trouble setting boundaries. "Oh, that's a great show," he said when I reported my evening's activities.

"Yeah, it is. And I want to point out that the hero of this show, the only sane person in the family, is the one that sets boundaries. He is the only one who says 'no' and that is the only reason the family is even together. See, setting boundaries makes you a hero."

I met Abbie for tea yesterday in the "Zen room" of a local tea house. We sat cross legged on meditation pillows at low tables as I told her about some boundaries I had set recently in my life and about how ironic it is that me, the person who never learned to say no, is actually teaching other people to set boundaries. She looked at me and then bowed her head and said, "The student has become the master." We were lucky no one else was in the Zen room to be disturbed by our laughter, or they might have had their own boundaries to set with us.