Happy Halloween!

I'm stealing this story, so my apologies to the original teller...

We went to our neighbor's house for Halloween.  The hostess opened the door in a polyester wedding dress, full veil, curled tendrils of hair framing her heavily made up face with it's shockingly blue eye shadow.  Her pregnant tummy jutted out under the empire waste, lifting the hemline enough to display her bare feet.  "Ah, barefoot and pregnant," I see.  Her husband came in with camo suspenders, the Mormon equivalent of a wife beater t-shirt, and a bow tie. "We're a shotgun wedding," she responded.

My husband, asked, "Is that really your wedding dress?" I nearly died.  There is no way this woman got married in a polyester wedding dress that looked anything like the one she had on.   Ever polite, she launched into her story before I had time to apologize on his behalf.

"I actually got it on Craig's List.  I went over to this sweet, Mormon woman's house and when she saw me, she said 'I made it temple-ready, so it's all ready to go. ' (This means sleeves and a high neck).  And then I took off my coat.  I was wearing it when I got there, so she couldn't see my stomach.  When I took off my coat, she just went, 'OH.' Uncomfortable pause. 'Well, do you think it's still going to fit you?"  "Let's find out!" I said, and slid it on and had her zip me up.  'Yup. It fits! I'll take it!' She was mortified.  You don't want a pregnant woman to fit into your wedding dress, no matter who you are or what they are doing with it."

"Oh no!" I responded. "Did you tell her what you were going to do with it?"

"Yes, but I don't know what's worse, 'I'm going to defile your wedding dress by using it for my shotgun wedding or use it as a Halloween costume to dress up like it's a shotgun wedding'. Most uncomfortable Craig's List exchange ever!"