I have measured out my life with coffee spoons

I haven't actually measured out my life with coffee spoons, but I have measured out this year in library book sales. The SLC public library was rebuilt before the Olympics and is gorgeous. Beyond being beautiful, it has won multiple prizes for being a fantastic resource to the community. I had my name written in Chinese calligraphy last weekend for Chinese New Year, I celebrated one holiday with the Muslim community, watched educational and artistic movies for free, and best of all, it's where I load up on books.

The library has a semi-annual book sale that is simply madness. There are so many people you have to squeeze down the aisles, twisting and turning to wiggle past people. Each time I went I literally came away with a box too heavy to carry. How could I resist when everything sells for 50 cents to $1? (Speaking of 50 cents, have you noticed that our keyboards no longer have the cent sign? Has anyone besides me gone mad looking for it? I suspect that it was replaced with this: @.)

I went to one sale shortly after I arrived in Utah. I remember one young man who had only one book in his hands: The Sociology of Religion. Yes. It's true. I don't remember what he looked like, but I remember the title of the book he was carrying. The hand he was carrying it in was distinctly ring-free. "This," I thought, "could be the love of my life. What is more me than the sociology of religion? I love sociology; I love religion; I love the sociology of religion. In fact, how easy would it be for me to start a conversation on the sociology of religion?" I thought, as I turned and walked away. "I can't do this," I thought. "I can't be single. I can't live in Utah. This is not my life."

As I left the sale to go get my car, I noticed me ex-mother-in-law had called. I teared up immediately, disappointed to have missed the call. "Call back! Call back!" I thought. She called back as I was walking back to the car. I got in and immediately started crying. "It hurts so much! I can't do this!" I wailed. "How long will it hurt?" "Linseyle, mami, bubah, it won't always hurt like this. I am sorry. We know you don't want this. You know we don't want this, but this is how it is. You know what? In a year, you will see, it will be better. Maybe not all the way better, but much, much better than now. You know what? I will call you in one year from today and you will see just how different it is. I am writing it in my day planner right now! It's silly, but it makes me feel better just thinking about it. There. I did it. We have a date! Of course, I'll talk to you in the meantime, but you'll see. One year."

I finished sniffling, reassured that even if we did lose touch, at least I would get a call in a year. Also, I had a little bit of hope that she was right. Who knew what a year would bring? Still sniffling I drove back to Abbie, who had been bravely guarding our boxes of books. On the way back to Abbie's house, I told her about Mr. Sociology-of-Religion. "Oh, Linsey," she said. "You have to talk to them first! You can't wait for them. Believe me, they will never say no to you, once you start."

"Well," I said, "he wasn't all that cute anyway." Sour grapes.

"Yeah, but maybe he would have introduced you to his really cute friend, who also reads about the sociology of religion."

"Oh, I never thought of that. But how do you know they won't say no?"

"Trust me. They won't say no. Besides, didn't you tell me you were lonely? They don't all have to be Mr. Right. It's just about getting to know more people here. Or think of it as practice. No pressure."

It was this pep talk, and about a million more such talks, from Abbie that made me brave enough to pick up Mr. Kinkos. "He won't say no. He won't say no. It's all practice. I am just practicing." The fact he didn't say no made it that much easier the next time, and the next time.

"You are so brazen," my friend Leonard said. "Do you remember what you told me when I asked you why you didn't speak up in class? 'I'm shy' you said. And now look at you, the shy monogamist. Who would have guessed?"
"I just learned they don't say no."
"To you they don't say no. To me, believe me, they would say no."

By the time the autumn library sale rolled around, I was ready for Mr. Sociology of Religion. No luck- he wasn't there. But had he been, I know I would have been able to talk to him. Now, it is almost time for the next book sale. I am looking forward to the call from my Israeli mother. She was right, I had no idea the difference a year would make.