Relationships

Perhaps part of the reason that my stepdad suggested that I move out of Utah before I start dating is that I approach relationships in a way that differs a little bit from other people. This is a nice way of saying that I take things WAY too seriously. Vince and I had our first argument last week. I was very upset and he asked me, "But you understand why I did what I did, right?"

"Yes," I said, "You were being a utilitarian- the most happiness for the most people."

"Exactly!" he said, thrilled to have a real world application to the business ethics class he took last semester. "But you are a c*nt."

"WHAT??!?" I asked, shocked that someone so sweet would use a term so crass.

"Kant," He repeated, laughing. "K-A-N-T. You are principled and I violated a principle that you value."

I just about died laughing. In spite of the laughter, and in spite of the fact that someone actually put up with my interjecting thical terminology into an everyday argument, we still parted on mediocre terms in the morning. I went to work and continued thinking. When we met up again after work, I pulled a sticky note out of my bag. "I have a visual aid," I said. I laughed, he laughed, but the truth is, I was pretty dead serious. Here is the visual aid.



I made it to explain why I had been upset that morning. This picture, which doesn't actually represent the proportion of each quality, does represent what I think are some of the most important aspects in a relationship. I think the actual percentages shift around as a relationship develops. For example, we don't currently have much history, but a successful relationship, to me, seems to demand at least these qualities. And those qualities seemed a little hurt that day.

Fast forward a week and we've made it successfully through our first conflict. I am proud of how we both handled it. And thrilled to find someone who can put up with my over intellectualizing everything.