A Home

I have been an itinerate health researcher for almost four months now. In the beginning of this homeless stretch, the stress of everything else was so intense that I didn't really mind moving from place to place, but the last week or so, my patience has been wearing thin.

The impatience was brought on by finally seeing a place that felt like a deal, and the first place where I could actually imagine myself living. It's true that it is further to the south of Salt Lake than I ever thought I would live, (not that I ever thought I would live in Salt Lake again) but it's in a gorgeous complex with trees, flowers, ponds, streams, and ducks. It's big and fairly newly remodeled. It comes with a few wacky bonuses like the fact the kitchen window opens up to a bar on the balcony so one can pass food back and forth (and save the eight steps to the sliding door).

We put a bid on the apartment last week, but it had already gone under contract. Ever since brushing up against a place that might be home, I have started to crave it. I think it took me a while to adjust to the idea that I really am staying here in Utah, for the next little while at least. I need some time to settle in somewhere and regain, and even recreate myself.

It's always a little scary for me to settle into a new place. I wonder what I will adopt from my surroundings. I am a little more liberal thanks to my time in Boston, a little warmer, thanks to my time in Israel. I tend to absorb the local flavor wherever I am.

There are parts of the local flavor here that make me nervous. I am a little afraid of becoming a "squashed woman" , as my boss refers to them. In a culture this patriarchal, many women become squashed without even noticing. But I see it. I see it in the way they stand and dress. In the fact that they start sentences with "I am sorry, but..." The only thing that women don't apologize for here is apologizing. I have spent the last 2 1/2 years battling the "I'm sorry, but..." sentence starter. I refuse to give in to it again. I just worry about it slowly creeping into my language without me noticing. Faithful blog readers: Point it out to me if you see me giving in!

Anxiety aside, I was thrilled to get the call this Saturday that the apartment was available again. I spent the last few days rushing around getting everything in order. I can't wait to have a place of my own, a room of my own, and enough closet space to actually put my clothes away. I am still living out of suitcases. If all goes well, I'll be moving in during the first two weeks of August. Keep your fingers crossed, or as they say in Sweden, hold your thumbs for me!